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At our wedding 33 years ago we were given lots of 'advice': the bit we liked most and have followed is to not do the same thing at Christmas time, it would make life easier! Bearing in mind 220 cows, 400 sheep, 3 sons our early Christmases involved it has been great advice. We've had phases of family rituals, we have been careful to include others, their rituals and needs. This challenge to be flexible has huge benefits: this year a week of luxury in a gloriously glittery hotel in York for one Son's wedding, followed by a week home for our first Christmas a deux for 32 years has been equally special. Our boys all carry this flexibility with them: observing how easy it is for them to enjoy whatever comes. They do still always relish Christmas in their family home with a 10ft tree, brought in and decorated by them on Christmas Eve (they still squabble over the decorating!) and Beef for the meal 'birds belong in yards pecking around'! Yes we miss them, but hey ho they will be home for their father's 70th birthday in February, the banter of brothers rolls into town differently these days but the bonds between us are solid and thrive.... We've had a lovely but different celebratory time and it will grow and evolve.

That's a really lovely post, Cat. I used to prep to King's too but no longer do. I like the idea of the kids prepping veg being part of the ritual. All about some new, some old x

I love the sound of Sue's Christmas - and love the idea of getting away for a night, for a spoil. My own family is much more modest, but we've carved a new one out of an old, so everyone has to compromise and adapt a little. My step daughter spends them alternately between us and her mother. So we create traditions which fit within this cycle. Lilly prefers the build up to Christmas to the day itself, so we make the most of this. There are always gingerbread houses to decorate, craft sessions making decorations and wrapping paper, long walks roundabout and in Kew, looking for things we can adorn the wreath with. We always get the tree together, and the children enjoy unwrapping decorations as much as I do - they're already like old friends to them. Another fairly new custom is the Christmas boxes - one for charity (a kind of reverse advent calendar, collected through December) and another for my parents who live in Greece and rarely come to England over Christmas. From November the children think about what to put in this - home made gingerbread, cards and decorations, little presents. Always fun to put together. My dad always tells the story of "Greedy Margery" to the children over Skype - the same story he used to tell my brother and me before we sat down to write to Father Christmas. (Technology is a real boon, sometimes). Last year we adopted the Finnish custom of everyone being given a book and a chocolate on Christmas Eve. This year, Lilly had this to take with her. And as the children get older, traditions are replaced. I always used to do all the Christmas dinner prep listening to Kings on Christmas Eve (something I used to do with my mother). These days I have to listen to it later as there's always too much else going on. But what happened this year was better - Adam and his dad prepared all the vegetables between them at the kitchen table on Christmas morning, Adam peeling, Shariq chopping. It was lovely - the first time I've ever had help - and I hope it's one which will stay with us.

Sounds like you need to carve out at least one day for you and your new(ish) husband, Sue, to go off and do something on your own. Let the hoardes of offspring cook and cope. They'll be fine and you'll return to the fray restored

lots of interesting observations, as always. I'm one of those grouchies which tend to loathe much of Christmas and would probably prefer to run away to somewhere warmer where it's not celebrated. As an atheist it seems wholly pointless and commercial but throughout my first marriage I celebrated, as best I could, in the utterly traditional family way with husband, 2 sons, dogs, cats and occasionally waifs and strays who needed a refuge over the holiday period. Then there were the singleton divorced years, with all sorts of adventures for much of a decade and time with sons and their partners and/or families. Five years ago I met and four years ago remarried a soulmate who came with 3 adult children, their partners and now 6 grandchildren to add to my two, with a 9th on the way. Christmases are chaotic with noise, clutter, dozens of pairs of tiny shoes, hundreds of prezzies needing to be sourced and wrapped and a bigger, usually quite orderly country home large enough to accommodate small beds, cots, endless catering requirements and all the baggage which travelling with small children seems to involve these days.

As an only child who loved solitude it all takes a bit of getting used to, but 'embrace the chaos' was one daughter-in-law's advice and I'm trying....

Precisely my point. Sounds indulgent - it is - but compared to a week or even long weekend away it isn't tooo extravagant. And avoiding stations and airports at Xmas a total win. Your tradition sounds perfect too x

We have a pre Christmas night in a West End hotel. Costly yes but set against a weekend away not so bad and we take the bus to and from thus negating any risk of traffic jams or cancelled flights.
We luxuriate in the room, soak in the scented bath salts, watch old movies (snap) drink a bottle of wine eat snacks then wander round the streets looking at the lights once everyone has gone home. It's magical.